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hearts

We divorced nine years ago
But decided to remain friends
For the sake our three children.
It was the sensible thing to do.

I have watched you change over the years and I don’t like what I see.
You have rammed independence down our childrens throats.
They are now stubborn to their own detriment.
I hold you accountable for that.

Our children don’t visit very often these days.
I know they have their own lives to live
But surely they could drive ten minutes to see me
Just every now and again.

You write it off as independence.

It’s alright for you to say that.
You don’t know how lucky you are
Having our children at your house every day
I spend most of my days wondering how they are.

Am I being punished for mistakes that I have made in the past?
Have I done something else wrong?
Don’t they like me?
Are they just ‘independent’ or bits of all of these factors?

Don’t even begin to pretend to know how I feel.
You’re not the one pacing the floor and not sleeping at night
Wondering how they are.
Even you don’t tell me.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

I can feel any friendship that we had disapearing.
Sometimes you can’t be bothered driving down my fifty metre driveway
To drop the children off on a rare visit.
When you do you barely acknowledge me.

I’ve lived in this apartment for over two years
You haven’t set foot inside even when you have the time.
My apartment is clean and tidy.
Would ten minutes for a coffee, cigarette & chat be a big ask?

You don’t even reply to my emails or phone calls.
I would visit but I don’t know when is a convenient time.
Perish though that I’d be invited to visit
I wouldn’t take up much of your oh, so precious time.

You are emotionally afraid of me.
I broke something within you
And you don’t want it to happen again.
It won’t happen again.

You are always defensive.
You fold your arms across your chest when speaking to me
And can’t maintain eye contact up for long.
Even your tone of voice is changes.

It’s basic Psychology.

So as far as remaining friends goes
I’ve watched and felt it slowly slip away.
I don’t know why and feel no need to care.
It is, however, disappointing.

You have already become another face in the crowd.